hisdarkmark | Thirty-Ninth Hex

Thirty-Ninth Hex - [Written]

[As usual, Draco has once again gone and made himself scarce from a majority of the village as he works out more of his inner dilemmas. First and foremost, there's Hermione. She's most definitely, definitely not the same Hermione and it's freaking him out.

Secondly, he's officially given up on searching for Caroline Forbes. After running into other vampires...it's safe to say the blonde will never show up again.

And thirdly...? Even with his power, even with his abilities to turn into a coyote or produce patronuses or blow things up, he's finding it isn't enough to make him happy.

Recently he's returned from a mission, but he couldn't help but constantly think about the last experiment. He'd been convinced he was someone else, and he had absolutely no memories of who he really was...and it was nice. He was able to function like a normal human being again. Normally, he would make an elaborate announcement about his return, but this time...well, he's already pieced together what's happened in the village, and he's not sorry he's missed the tornado. No, instead he's entirely focused on what he's determined to find out. When he opens his journal, he's only got one sentence he'd like to share.]

What do you reckon it takes to bargain with our captors to permanently erase memories? Just curious.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No, there is no 'more or less' with this. Considering what you're talking about could render you catatonic, you'd better be sure about it. What's going on?

I reckon I accidentally became a double agent a few years ago. That alone could wind up with me dead.

[Molly frowned.] That doesn't answer my question, Draco.

You remember what's happening in my world, don't you? Did we ever discuss this in depth?

I don't see how what's going on there can affect you here.

It's more like what's going on here may very well be affecting me there. That is the disconcerting part.

[Molly's eyes sharpened at that. This sort of thing was exactly the kind of thing that interested her.]

What do you mean? Every account I've ever read indicates that those who go home don't remember anything of their time here.

...there's this boy back home. Potter. He's supposed to save the world or whatever because he's the Chosen One. He's the one who's supposed to stop Lord Voldemort, who happens to be my boss. You can see where this is going.

[He pauses briefly as though deciding if he wants to charge ahead with his story or not. It's...kind of muddling and awkward, but he shakes his head and continues talking.]

To make a long story short, Potter and I have loathed each other for years, like six or seven years. He tried to kill me, I've tried to kill him, it's all in good fun. Whatever. He comes here, we fight for a while like everything's normal, but then the Dark Lord showed up in Luceti and we had to band together...and we became friends...and then we were hit with one of the experiments and snogged a bit...and then we snogged a bit without outside influence...and then somehow we wound up dating for a few years before he was booted out of Luceti.

And then there's the case of Hermione. I've loathed Hermione for years too simply because she's one of Harry's best mates...and because of her blood status. She's the type we're supposed to be targeting at home. However, she was the first from my world to arrive in Luceti a few months after I did...and it's that kind of thing, being pulled away from everything you know and finding only one other person from home in a foreign world, that causes you to bond with someone whether you want to or not. She gave me a chance, I took it and ran. She became one of my closest companions before Luceti booted her out, too.

Now think about this, Molly. Think about what I've just told you. People I hate with a fiery passion at home are people I ended up falling in love with here.

...they told me stories, you know. Both of them. They were both ahead of me in time and they both mentioned that they were captured and brought to my manor to be presented to Voldemort for execution. And they both mentioned that I lied about their identities. I lied about Harry's identity to protect him so that they could escape. A boy I've hated and envied for years is at our mercy, and I lie, something that could have me murdered as well, in order so they can make a getaway?

Somehow I doubt that's coincidence.

Edited 2012-11-24 05:43 (UTC)

[She listens and momentarily puts any sort of judgement or conclusions on the back seat about behavior or right and wrong and just focuses on the possibility.]

...maybe not. But it's way too tenuous for any sort of real conclusion. But I won't rule out the possibility that you could be right. Sometimes things are only impossible until someone finds the right key.

[He's just going to be stubborn about it, chewing on his bottom lip in thought.]

I'm not taking any chances though. There's far too much risk in being a Death Eater, and though my occlumency's good enough? It'd be just like my luck for it to fail and have the Dark Lord peek in and see possible thoughts and ideas about the Boy Who Lived in compromising positions. For all we know, even if the memories don't stay the feelings that they give us remain in tact. Isn't that something you can agree on? Emotions and all that rot. If I were to look at Harry right now, I might very well punch him in the face because of how things ended. He's been gone for over a year and I still would take the opportunity to break his nose again because of the bitterness that's left.

Who's to say I wouldn't have those same urges and feelings upon returning home?

[Molly shook her head.]

It doesn't work that way. Not if it's done well. Emotions are tied into memory, that's why they make such amazing modifiers. I don't know how it works when people come and go from here, but the simplest solution seems to have to do with time. It's like... some kind of a tesseract, but with the mind instead of with distance.

Then let's settle for the fact that I'm growing quite tired of consistently being haunted by memories of my first real friend here, a girl that's here now and isn't who I used to know, my ex-boyfriend and my ex-girlfriend. I want to be able to erase the memories so that I'm not constantly tethered to past growth. I can't move forward like this. [The last bit is mumbled as though he's embarrassed, as though realizing that this sounds kind of stupid.]

[She absorbs that and waits for a moment to stifle back the instinctive protests. Instead she darts a glance at his eyes and then away before...]

If you find someone to do this and it's successful, what do you think will happen when you discover the holes in your memory? You're talking about significant gaps, Draco. Multiple significant gaps in the fabric of who you are. Do you really think you won't find out?

It can't be any worse than this, can it? [He knows he's being ridiculous, but the fact of the matter is that even three and a half years in Luceti isn't enough to teach him how to cope with giant amounts of loss and large amounts of change. It's a concept he's continuing to struggle with, and he assumes that a fresh slate will make it easier.]

Besides. If I find out, so what? I'll block it from my mind and move forward. I can't do anything about something I don't remember, right? [Other than obsess and drive himself crazy, but that's a whole other story.] Then I'll just focus on fixing the fabric and recreating myself into who I was supposed to be in the first place.

[Quietly:] Oh, and you know just who that is, do you?

[His eyes narrow.] I know it's not this.

Maybe not. But excuse me if the idea of lining up with some kind of... Fate or Mater Plan is one which I'm not entirely comfortable with. [Her voice was still quiet. She wasn't even being sarcastic.

She sighed a little and - had to ask.]

What is it you hope that this will fix about yourself? Besides the pain. Because I think you're right about one thing, this kind of pain will stop. You'll just be opening yourself up to a whole different kind of it.

Then I guess it's a good thing I'm not asking you to be. It's something that needs to be done no matter how uncomfortable it may be.

[Is he actually pouting? It's possible.]

Molly, it's almost been a year. Over a year, and over two years in some cases. I suppose I've just grown tired of being patient. I'm losing sight of the ultimate plan because I'm spending most of my time watching the house next door or trying to think of how to maybe unlock Hermione's old memories or searching the woods for vampires. It'll force a reset, wouldn't it? Without the distractions, I can get back to my focus on leaving this place.

Which is doing everybody else so much good.

[Molly sighed and ran a hand through her head.]

Look, Draco, I could tell you that this is the kind of shortcut you don't want to take for all kinds of... internal strengthening reasons. But I'm guessing you've heard those already. But what I will tell you is that you are treading on the verge of seriously damaging your understanding of yourself. When I've run into cases of blocked memory before... it literally took an act of God to deliver the person from the practically debilitating pain of trying to remember past the block - and that was just with a block, not with a hole! Even if whatever does this doesn't cause you pain, you're still running the risk of giving yourself an obsession even greater than getting out - recovering your memories.

[He starts to roll his eyes, because yes, this is actually a lot of what he's heard before and what he's already thought of. But he stops and listens suddenly, contemplating what Molly's telling him before giving her a blank stare.]

And what makes you think I'd obsess over recovering something I don't want anymore in the first place?

[She dared to meet his eyes again.]

Because you won't know that you don't want it. All you'll know is that someone took something that was yours. And you won't even be able to find out what it is.

[Her eyebrows arched slightly as if to say: And you're telling me that won't drive you crazy?]

[He's avoiding her look as best as he can because he knows she's right. But he's also thinking he is right and that he won't let it consume him. He'll let something else consume him instead.]

Considering my luck, I won't get my wish granted anyway. This is all hypothetical...but I still think it'd be the right choice.

[Molly shook her head slowly.]

And I don't think it is. It might be seem easier, but those kinds of shortcuts aren't what we have magic for. You don't take the condensed nature of life itself and use it to erase life. At least not without a very good, life-or-death reason.

[And even then...]

Right. [He's suddenly rising to his feet then.] Don't dwell on it too much, yeah?

[...and thus concludes our interview.

Molly rose as well.]

Sure. [Yeah, right.] Just try not to get your brain turned into Swiss Cheese, and I will.

Thirty-Ninth Hex - [Written]

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[ Action ] urgh sorry for the edits shira ._.;

[ Action ] no worries, Ty!

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