hisdarkmark | Thirty-Ninth Hex

[As usual, Draco has once again gone and made himself scarce from a majority of the village as he works out more of his inner dilemmas. First and foremost, there's Hermione. She's most definitely, definitely not the same Hermione and it's freaking him out.

Secondly, he's officially given up on searching for Caroline Forbes. After running into other vampires...it's safe to say the blonde will never show up again.

And thirdly...? Even with his power, even with his abilities to turn into a coyote or produce patronuses or blow things up, he's finding it isn't enough to make him happy.

Recently he's returned from a mission, but he couldn't help but constantly think about the last experiment. He'd been convinced he was someone else, and he had absolutely no memories of who he really was...and it was nice. He was able to function like a normal human being again. Normally, he would make an elaborate announcement about his return, but this time...well, he's already pieced together what's happened in the village, and he's not sorry he's missed the tornado. No, instead he's entirely focused on what he's determined to find out. When he opens his journal, he's only got one sentence he'd like to share.]

What do you reckon it takes to bargain with our captors to permanently erase memories? Just curious.

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[Molly shook her head.]

It doesn't work that way. Not if it's done well. Emotions are tied into memory, that's why they make such amazing modifiers. I don't know how it works when people come and go from here, but the simplest solution seems to have to do with time. It's like... some kind of a tesseract, but with the mind instead of with distance.

Then let's settle for the fact that I'm growing quite tired of consistently being haunted by memories of my first real friend here, a girl that's here now and isn't who I used to know, my ex-boyfriend and my ex-girlfriend. I want to be able to erase the memories so that I'm not constantly tethered to past growth. I can't move forward like this. [The last bit is mumbled as though he's embarrassed, as though realizing that this sounds kind of stupid.]

[She absorbs that and waits for a moment to stifle back the instinctive protests. Instead she darts a glance at his eyes and then away before...]

If you find someone to do this and it's successful, what do you think will happen when you discover the holes in your memory? You're talking about significant gaps, Draco. Multiple significant gaps in the fabric of who you are. Do you really think you won't find out?

It can't be any worse than this, can it? [He knows he's being ridiculous, but the fact of the matter is that even three and a half years in Luceti isn't enough to teach him how to cope with giant amounts of loss and large amounts of change. It's a concept he's continuing to struggle with, and he assumes that a fresh slate will make it easier.]

Besides. If I find out, so what? I'll block it from my mind and move forward. I can't do anything about something I don't remember, right? [Other than obsess and drive himself crazy, but that's a whole other story.] Then I'll just focus on fixing the fabric and recreating myself into who I was supposed to be in the first place.

[Quietly:] Oh, and you know just who that is, do you?

[His eyes narrow.] I know it's not this.

Maybe not. But excuse me if the idea of lining up with some kind of... Fate or Mater Plan is one which I'm not entirely comfortable with. [Her voice was still quiet. She wasn't even being sarcastic.

She sighed a little and - had to ask.]

What is it you hope that this will fix about yourself? Besides the pain. Because I think you're right about one thing, this kind of pain will stop. You'll just be opening yourself up to a whole different kind of it.

Then I guess it's a good thing I'm not asking you to be. It's something that needs to be done no matter how uncomfortable it may be.

[Is he actually pouting? It's possible.]

Molly, it's almost been a year. Over a year, and over two years in some cases. I suppose I've just grown tired of being patient. I'm losing sight of the ultimate plan because I'm spending most of my time watching the house next door or trying to think of how to maybe unlock Hermione's old memories or searching the woods for vampires. It'll force a reset, wouldn't it? Without the distractions, I can get back to my focus on leaving this place.

Which is doing everybody else so much good.

[Molly sighed and ran a hand through her head.]

Look, Draco, I could tell you that this is the kind of shortcut you don't want to take for all kinds of... internal strengthening reasons. But I'm guessing you've heard those already. But what I will tell you is that you are treading on the verge of seriously damaging your understanding of yourself. When I've run into cases of blocked memory before... it literally took an act of God to deliver the person from the practically debilitating pain of trying to remember past the block - and that was just with a block, not with a hole! Even if whatever does this doesn't cause you pain, you're still running the risk of giving yourself an obsession even greater than getting out - recovering your memories.

[He starts to roll his eyes, because yes, this is actually a lot of what he's heard before and what he's already thought of. But he stops and listens suddenly, contemplating what Molly's telling him before giving her a blank stare.]

And what makes you think I'd obsess over recovering something I don't want anymore in the first place?

[She dared to meet his eyes again.]

Because you won't know that you don't want it. All you'll know is that someone took something that was yours. And you won't even be able to find out what it is.

[Her eyebrows arched slightly as if to say: And you're telling me that won't drive you crazy?]

[He's avoiding her look as best as he can because he knows she's right. But he's also thinking he is right and that he won't let it consume him. He'll let something else consume him instead.]

Considering my luck, I won't get my wish granted anyway. This is all hypothetical...but I still think it'd be the right choice.

[Molly shook her head slowly.]

And I don't think it is. It might be seem easier, but those kinds of shortcuts aren't what we have magic for. You don't take the condensed nature of life itself and use it to erase life. At least not without a very good, life-or-death reason.

[And even then...]

Right. [He's suddenly rising to his feet then.] Don't dwell on it too much, yeah?

[...and thus concludes our interview.

Molly rose as well.]

Sure. [Yeah, right.] Just try not to get your brain turned into Swiss Cheese, and I will.

[The fact that she keeps making valid points is bothering him, so, naturally, the answer is to run away.]

I already told you, it's most likely hypothetical. [A shrug.] Besides, don't you have other things to think about other than my brain?

[Molly crossed her arms under her chest. Try not to stare.]

One of us should.

[~~But you make it so hard not to, Molly.~~ Hey hey hey, Draco's a perfect gentleman okay. Either way, he just scoffs.]

Whatever. Later, Carpenter. [And he's just going to give her one last once-over before taking off.]

[Since he seemed intent on being rude, Molly allowed him to see himself out.

Her only response to his farewell was a sigh.]

Thirty-Ninth Hex - [Written]

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