hisdarkmark | Thirty-Ninth Hex

Thirty-Ninth Hex - [Written]

[As usual, Draco has once again gone and made himself scarce from a majority of the village as he works out more of his inner dilemmas. First and foremost, there's Hermione. She's most definitely, definitely not the same Hermione and it's freaking him out.

Secondly, he's officially given up on searching for Caroline Forbes. After running into other vampires...it's safe to say the blonde will never show up again.

And thirdly...? Even with his power, even with his abilities to turn into a coyote or produce patronuses or blow things up, he's finding it isn't enough to make him happy.

Recently he's returned from a mission, but he couldn't help but constantly think about the last experiment. He'd been convinced he was someone else, and he had absolutely no memories of who he really was...and it was nice. He was able to function like a normal human being again. Normally, he would make an elaborate announcement about his return, but this time...well, he's already pieced together what's happened in the village, and he's not sorry he's missed the tornado. No, instead he's entirely focused on what he's determined to find out. When he opens his journal, he's only got one sentence he'd like to share.]

What do you reckon it takes to bargain with our captors to permanently erase memories? Just curious.

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....[Spock quirks an eyebrow.]

Also illogical.

You are now factoring in 'time-travel', implying a complete 'do-over' of your life. Unless this is a possibility in your universe, it would be best to attempt addressing your mistakes.
Simply erasing your memories will not change the circumstances behind those previous experiences. Suggesting there was a 'mistake' implies other people were involved... they will not have forgotten.

To refuse to face your mistakes implies fear and cowardice. However... your plight concerns me because it also implies self-destructive behaviour.

[Spock's tone had softened... and for a Vulcan, you could tell that he actually was concerned.]

[...jeezes Spock, when you lay it all out like that...

Draco knows he's right, of course. It's very cowardly, but how is that any different than the rest of his life? Still, he's just going to have to take this very slowly and carefully.]

Well considering the fact I'm in a world where no one will remember anyone once they leave anyway, I'm not entirely sure why I can't just get a head start.

It is a matter of moral integrity. Ultimately I cannot convince you anything...however, I believe no one is beyond personal redemption.

[Spock tilts his head in curiosity...]

...We cannot be completely sure of that. The brain works in fascinating ways and will always leave impressions... your very moral fiber could change as a result. [For the 'better' went without saying...
And what Spock did not say was his speculations on memories that he had discussed with Mister Skywalker....there was always hope.]

Then you and I have different beliefs.

What sort of proof do you have that the brain will leave impressions about a place that we didn't even know of prior to arrival?

[Spock takes a moment to consider before answering....]

Your brain, spinal cord and peripheral nerves make up a complex, integrated information-processing and control system known as your central nervous system. In tandem, they regulate all the conscious and unconscious facets of your life. Perhaps the most fascinating questions about memory have to do with the connection between human consciousness and memory and how your body retains everything through this control system.
Though it is commonly known that humans only use approximately ten percent of their brain... it remains a common misconception. The potential for retaining information far exceeds even your own comprehension.
Are you able to tell me that you have not somehow 'changed' while being exposed to this place?
Though you may have no memory of this place when you return to your own universe... who is to say that the other ninety percent of your mental capacity or your control system has not retained the psychological and sociological changes you have experiences here? Others may comment that you have either changed or 'grown'... You cannot deny that this theory has merit.

May I ask what happened to for you to want to erase your memories?

Only ten percent? Even that sounds like a stretch. [But still, he's absorbing all of the information and he's trying to really see how that's applicable to what he's really seeking to do.]

I've most certainly changed, and I believe that may be part of the problem in the first place. The things that have occurred here are things that cannot and should not be allowed to affect me psychologically or sociologically because most likely they'd cause my immediate death. No, not most likely, they would.

A lot. A lot has happened for me to need everything to be erased. The details may not make sense to anyone but me though.

[Spock tries to 'read between the lines...'

You seem to be implying that you are you in danger of someone killing you.... correct?

Correct. You're quite astute, aren't you?

It is in my nature. Though I am curious... if your life was not being threatened... do you prefer the change?

...but my life is always going to be threatened until everything's put to an end, so what's the point of toying with the idea of if I'd prefer it? The short answer is no, I'm not sure. I suppose I prefer about half of the change, but the other half is too much.

...what is obvious is how conflicted you are. However, I would argue that everyone has a choice whether or not your life is threatened.

Conflicted? I'm not sure that's the correct word. [It is. He just hates how it sounds.] What would cause you to make this argument?

Death should not influence integrity.

...and why not?

Death is not always certain, there may yet be a chance at survival. However, if death is inevitable, would you rather not die knowing that you were inherently you, rather than succumb to fear at the mercy of those who hunt you?

[Spock breaths for a moment... ] May I inquire as to your name?

[Maybe. He's heard from a few people (Hermione in particular) that he lives beyond the last thing he remembers, but the war's still not over yet. Who knows what's going to happen in the few weeks after that? And then there's the point; would he rather not die knowing such a thing, or would he rather live under Voldemort's thumb for the rest of his short life?

...damn it. This was hardly even about Voldemort anymore, if he was honest. Everything he'd ever experienced with Harry and Hermione, of course, was about Voldemort, but the things with Caroline and Myuria and everyone else he's ever known? Not so much. The experiences had changed him to a person he didn't even recognize and that was the real problem here. He was most definitely set for failure if he wasn't even himself. But who was he at this point?

Hell.]

...Draco. Draco Malfoy. And I'm not sure which I'd prefer at this point.

[Spock bows his head...] It is well to make your acquaintance Mister Malfoy.
I recognize your conflicting emotions...

You are struggling with identity correct? [Spock could relate... Half-breed and all that...]

You as well, I think. [The Wizengamot is still out on that one, Spock.]

...would you consider such a thing as an identity crisis? I know who I am.

Indeed? You do not seem to be projecting that notion. I myself have difficulty connecting with who I am...

...how so?

I am from two different 'worlds' it seems. My father is Vulcan, and my mother is human. To give you some understand, Vulcan's spend their lives attempting to control all emotion, even going so far as to purge them. Humans on the other hand, are rather emotional creatures, often chaotic and rules by such emotional behaviour.
'My place' in either Vulcan or human society has been rather...difficult.

[Spock pauses... he realizes that finding his place is not such a problem anymore because Vulcan is gone...]

Identity is difficult to define for any individual. However, if approached with integrity, everything that follows is... logical.

I think I'd rather be the Vulcan, actually. Sounds like the more logical way to go anyway....[Huh. So a halfblood. What Spock's saying makes sense, of course, but stubborn Draco is stubborn.]

Either that, or start your own society.

[That gets him an eyebrow...]

To start my own society is illogical...[Literal Spock is literal..] However, I have been encouraged to embrace my human side... though I cannot. Instead I must accept who I am, and not what others dictate who I should be. [Subtle Spock is not so subtle...]

How is that illogical? It's rather beneficial if you ask me. Your rules and all. [Still, Draco doesn't like being thought of as illogical despite the fact he...can be.] And why can't you embrace it, exactly? [Oh, he gets the point. He's just carefully ignoring it.]

[Spock decides not to answer his first question....]

I am unable to embrace what is expected of me. I must find myself, for myself. However, this 'journey' seems to be proving more complex than expected. My mind is rebelling against the humanity... and my humanity is rebelling against the logic.

[Spock does not want to explain how since the destruction of Vulcan all of his shields have been torn, and the connections he shared with the Vulcan race completely ripped...]

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~dude, I like talking with your character! ^_^

why thank you <3 spock's pretty nifty himself

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