Thirty-Ninth Hex - [Written]

[hisdarkmark]

[As usual, Draco has once again gone and made himself scarce from a majority of the village as he works out more of his inner dilemmas. First and foremost, there's Hermione. She's most definitely, definitely not the same Hermione and it's freaking him out.

Secondly, he's officially given up on searching for Caroline Forbes. After running into other vampires...it's safe to say the blonde will never show up again.

And thirdly...? Even with his power, even with his abilities to turn into a coyote or produce patronuses or blow things up, he's finding it isn't enough to make him happy.

Recently he's returned from a mission, but he couldn't help but constantly think about the last experiment. He'd been convinced he was someone else, and he had absolutely no memories of who he really was...and it was nice. He was able to function like a normal human being again. Normally, he would make an elaborate announcement about his return, but this time...well, he's already pieced together what's happened in the village, and he's not sorry he's missed the tornado. No, instead he's entirely focused on what he's determined to find out. When he opens his journal, he's only got one sentence he'd like to share.]

What do you reckon it takes to bargain with our captors to permanently erase memories? Just curious.

Comments

[spohkh]

Death is not always certain, there may yet be a chance at survival. However, if death is inevitable, would you rather not die knowing that you were inherently you, rather than succumb to fear at the mercy of those who hunt you?

[Spock breaths for a moment... ] May I inquire as to your name?

[hisdarkmark]

[Maybe. He's heard from a few people (Hermione in particular) that he lives beyond the last thing he remembers, but the war's still not over yet. Who knows what's going to happen in the few weeks after that? And then there's the point; would he rather not die knowing such a thing, or would he rather live under Voldemort's thumb for the rest of his short life?

...damn it. This was hardly even about Voldemort anymore, if he was honest. Everything he'd ever experienced with Harry and Hermione, of course, was about Voldemort, but the things with Caroline and Myuria and everyone else he's ever known? Not so much. The experiences had changed him to a person he didn't even recognize and that was the real problem here. He was most definitely set for failure if he wasn't even himself. But who was he at this point?

Hell.]

...Draco. Draco Malfoy. And I'm not sure which I'd prefer at this point.

[spohkh]

[Spock bows his head...] It is well to make your acquaintance Mister Malfoy.
I recognize your conflicting emotions...

You are struggling with identity correct? [Spock could relate... Half-breed and all that...]

[hisdarkmark]

You as well, I think. [The Wizengamot is still out on that one, Spock.]

...would you consider such a thing as an identity crisis? I know who I am.

[spohkh]

Indeed? You do not seem to be projecting that notion. I myself have difficulty connecting with who I am...

[hisdarkmark]

...how so?

[spohkh]

I am from two different 'worlds' it seems. My father is Vulcan, and my mother is human. To give you some understand, Vulcan's spend their lives attempting to control all emotion, even going so far as to purge them. Humans on the other hand, are rather emotional creatures, often chaotic and rules by such emotional behaviour.
'My place' in either Vulcan or human society has been rather...difficult.

[Spock pauses... he realizes that finding his place is not such a problem anymore because Vulcan is gone...]

Identity is difficult to define for any individual. However, if approached with integrity, everything that follows is... logical.

[hisdarkmark]

I think I'd rather be the Vulcan, actually. Sounds like the more logical way to go anyway....[Huh. So a halfblood. What Spock's saying makes sense, of course, but stubborn Draco is stubborn.]

Either that, or start your own society.

~dude, I like talking with your character! ^_^

[spohkh]

[That gets him an eyebrow...]

To start my own society is illogical...[Literal Spock is literal..] However, I have been encouraged to embrace my human side... though I cannot. Instead I must accept who I am, and not what others dictate who I should be. [Subtle Spock is not so subtle...]

why thank you <3 spock's pretty nifty himself

[hisdarkmark]

How is that illogical? It's rather beneficial if you ask me. Your rules and all. [Still, Draco doesn't like being thought of as illogical despite the fact he...can be.] And why can't you embrace it, exactly? [Oh, he gets the point. He's just carefully ignoring it.]

[spohkh]

[Spock decides not to answer his first question....]

I am unable to embrace what is expected of me. I must find myself, for myself. However, this 'journey' seems to be proving more complex than expected. My mind is rebelling against the humanity... and my humanity is rebelling against the logic.

[Spock does not want to explain how since the destruction of Vulcan all of his shields have been torn, and the connections he shared with the Vulcan race completely ripped...]

[hisdarkmark]

So really you're not bound to come out on top in any case at all. [That's unfortunate. Granted that's also not his problem, but that's still unfortunate.] ...how far would you say you are in this "journey" anyway?

[spohkh]

"To come out on top" is a matter of personal perception. If I am successful in my endeavor to find myself, then I will have indeed triumphed.

As for how far... that is difficult to say. I have experienced a recent set-back that left my mind in a rather unsatisfactory state.

[hisdarkmark]

Something that occurred here?

[spohkh]

Indeed.

This place seems to have a rather negative effect on many individuals. However... it is interesting how each individual are forced to face their emotional issues, and only then are they able to start to fully heal.

A rather fascinating process.

[hisdarkmark]

So what, Luceti is acting as everyone's therapist?

[spohkh]

[Spock considers this for a moment...]

To a degree... but with more 'ill intent'. It might be that this place feeds off our suffering.

[hisdarkmark]

[Like dementors> So then we just need to fight it if we choose to.

[spohkh]

Indeed. I am inclined to never give up on escaping this place. However, this process will require much dedication and research. Though it is beginning to become rather frustratingly fruitless.

However, the building of 'character' is apart of living... and it is difficult to cease its inevitability.

[hisdarkmark]

Good luck with that. I've been trying for over three years. [Other than the part where he gave up for a while because he was, at one time, genuinely happy with his life here.]

But surely there's still a way to slow the process down to a minimum.

[spohkh]

There are different forms of perseverance. And to slow the process is not to advance in life.

[hisdarkmark]

Some of us aren't in the mood to advance, I suppose.

[spohkh]

May I inquire as to what gives you hope Mister Malfoy?

[hisdarkmark]

Hope for what, exactly?

[spohkh]

What encourages you to move on? As for the purpose.. that varies from person to person. I am merely asking for a general idea.